![]() Still: “The future I thought I was meticulously crafting for years has disappeared, and with it have gone my ideas about the kind of life I’d imagined I was due.” “I had boarded a plane out of vanity and selfishness, and the dark Mongolian sky had punished me.” A doctor assured Levy that it was not the flight that had caused the miscarriage, but a placental abruption, a rare condition possibly related to her age (she was 38). “I knew, as surely as I now knew that I wanted a child, that this change in fortune was my fault,” she writes. The loss caused Levy to assess her life as a hubristic experiment gone awry. She spent a night in the hospital, then returned home to New York with “a longing – ferocious, primal, limitless, crazed – for the only person I had ever made”. ![]() Her son was born alive, but did not survive Levy held him in her hand as he died. A staff writer for the magazine, she had a miscarriage in a hotel room while on assignment in Ulaanbaatar, Mongolia, when she was 19 weeks pregnant. ![]() ![]() The story of how Levy lost her son was first published in the New Yorker in 2013. ![]()
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